“Immortality is prolonged future, and the future of any artifact lies in the direction of increased flexibility capacity for change and ultimately mutation. Immortality may be seen as a by-product of function : “to shine in use.” Mutation involves changes that are literally unimaginable from the perspective of the future mutant. Cold-blooded, non-dreaming creatures living in the comparatively weightless medium of water could not conceive of breathing air, dreaming, and experiencing the force of gravity as a basic fact of life. There will be new fears like the fear of falling, new pleasures, and new necessities. There are distinct advantages to living in a supportive environment like water. Mutation is not a matter of logical choices.”
"The human mutants must take a step into the unknown, a step that no human has taken before."
"We were the first that ever burst into that silent sea."
-- William S. Burroughs, excerpts from "Immortality"
Microwave Beams: Orchids are mutated by microwaves to produce a variety of new colors. Laser beams provide a unique testing ground; the possibility of humans mutating into holographic clones or astral shadows is lightly appealing.
Harvey "Two-Face" Dent, Batman comix
Weird Science: A fave of comic book heroes. Experiment with small dosages of exposure to elemental table break-outs; neon, freon, plutonium, kryptonite, mercury and cinnabar, for starters. Shy away from super villain recipes that involve falling into giant vats of steaming chemicals.
Lightning: According to urban legend, a man struck over 700 times by lightning became a super conductor. In the process, he got hooked on electromagnetism, suffered side effects of severe arthritis, and mutated his DNA. Will it pass onto his offspring?!
6 Million Dollar Man: Not exactly a physical mutation, per se, although bionic-computer implants are becoming more organic (silicon has replaced breastmilk in Los Angeles County). Beware of built-in expiration dates and factory recalls. Volunteer for top-secret government projects - hidden benefits include receiving free medical check-ups for life; disadvantages of being locked up in Arkham Asylum, if things go too horribly wrong.
Cyborgs, Androids, Transhumans, Posthumans: Like the above but less.......human......possibly the most realistic way we will collectively "mutate". Recurring theme in science fiction and Hollywood, from The Terminator1 to the Borg....are steam punks analog androids? Would you transfer your consciousness to a solar-energized, humanoid machine? Forever latex.
Genetically Modified (Human) Organisms: What will they think of next? Take your pick of mutating with any living organism for a beneficial symbio-genesis of combined traits. Been done in ancient Egypt and Sumeria - with present-day gene splicing, genetic coding and DNA cloning, it's brand new again. Everyone's looking for that Immortal shelf-life package. Side effects are celebrity notoriety, obesity and adaptable appendages (including animal / insect parts and multiple heads and limbs). Riddle the Sphinx for Her Tricks (and never, never trust Monsanto).
Weird Diets / Drugs: Mutate body chemistry through better indigestion. Embalming fluid is not advised. Spinach has had it's Defender. Go RAW and ORGANIC! Make like a Zombie & Eat Intelligent Brains! Psychedelic schroom symbiosis will seed a new planet Earth with your spore body. Nix benzene, bromine, nitrosamines (found in tobacco and smoked meats), mustard gas, vinyl chloride and food preservatives (MSG). Remember: Sugar is White Death, and nuclear fall-out may cause mutations, but it's not viable if you're undesirably.....(dead).
Adapt to Strange Environments: Relocate to Death Valley, the Moon, or Mars. Live Undersea, or orbit the earth in a Space Station for a lifespan or two. Ionizing radiation from cosmic rays, UV radiation, gamma rays and alpha particles are potent (hazardous) mutagens. Go for a swim in a black hole, or conceive a mutation by making love in zero g or a crop circle. Beware of metallic aftertastes.
The Ultimate Assassin: Hassan-I-Sabbah's recipes mixing hashish and post-hypnotic suggestion mutates even the laziest do-good-nik into a psycho-crazed killer. Explore what's behind the CIA's Project MK Ultra, and the Columbine, Sandy Hook, and Aurora shootings. Beware of plane-downing, Manchurian Candidate-types.2 We still don't know the half-life of 9 /11. Behind every wacko killer lies political necessity; follow the money to expose the Big Lies (verbal mutations serving de-evolution).
Shapeshift and Don't Turn Back: Walk-in to the Body of Jesus before the Second Coming nabs Him. Trouble finding Him? Ask renowned psychic, intelligent personal assistant and knowledge-navigator, Siri! Better yet, mutate into a phone app. Disembodied incarnations benefit from exciting opportunities online.
Sex with an Alien: Zippy, now we're having fun! Besides receiving a completely different PH (with off-the-charts acidity or alkalinity), you'll be chock-full of another star system's planetary vitamins, minerals and nutrients. Alien DNA is a hot item, and a pleasurable way to mutate (if the alien is humanoid, otherwise, it can get gnarly, involving......devices (cattle prods and anal probes). Though better probing technology exists today, it wouldn't hurt to ask for manual insemination, if anything resembling hands, with fingers, exists.....and don't forget to ask for the brainwipe severance package afterwards....it's not as glamorous as it sounds, but what's a little pain and sacrifice in the name of a really bomb mutation?
Marvel comix, The Fantastic Four
Bizarre Industrial Accidents: (not the vat again?!) Fake a high-tech security clearance to mishap into particle beams, death-rays-on-low, cathode rays, particle accelerators, chem-trail residue, cross-species viruses, untested alien / military weapon prototypes, etc.......if all else fails...dumpster dive at a nuclear waste facility - plenty of mutating agents to play with.
Live in a Toxic Waste Hazard Site: Why should only marginalized poverty sectors receive this privilege? Superfund sites! Plutonium! Uranium! Cesium-131! Radioactive isotopes! Sign up for guided tours of Chernobyl, Bhopal and Fukushima, spend the night spinning on the North or South Pacific Gyres! Mutations of The Plague4 may resurrect, or a deadly epidemic created by scientists in a lab targeting undesirables. Chant Nietzsche's mantra - "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" - the whole premise to a worthwhile mutation (and a vaccine).
Get Bitten or Infected by Weird Creatures: The all-time classic way to induce spontaneous mutations! Poke Cousin It! Reanimate dead things! Presto Change-o! Zombies, Mummies, Spiders and Flies (all been done)...... cozy-up to half-crazed, experimental, lab subjects: genetically-modified sheep, bunny-rabbits, rats, monkeys, fish and vegetables.....(Be kind - release them afterwards).
Entheogenic Elixirs, Algae, Absinthe, Grass Juices, Etc.: Finally, we are courting beneficial mutations! (or, at least, protection against, and neutralization of, the harmful ones). Drink until your blood turns green, your Third Eye pops out, and the Green Faerie dances on your head! Side effects of positive mutagens include: super strength, tetrachromacy (the ability to sense high frequency colors), regenerative capacities (grow back that Third Eye!), anti-cancer capabilities and superior oxygen-utilization. The key to Super-Human-ability is activated by the simplest and most profound nutrition: the cellular absorption of anti-oxidants, enzymes and photo-nutrients; including Vitamins A, C, and E, as supplied by fresh, organic fruits (berries, lemon, lime, avocado) and steamed, cruciferous vegetables; polyphenols (flavonoids, as in green tea); healthy carbs (squashes, sweet potato, yam, carrot); garlic, turmeric and ginger; fermented foods (sauerkraut, cod liver oil); healthy fats (coconut oil, ghee); pastured, grass-fed, animal protein, wild fish, and eggs; gluthathione peroxidase (selenium, whey protein); and resveratrol (red wine). Provst!
Meditate on Compassion While Chanting AUM: Mutagenic Immortality in the Wink of the Spirit Eye!
Necromantic Blood / Sex / Death Rituals with Vampiric Immortals:
HELLO NEW FLESH!!!
1 Cameron, James, The Terminator (1984)
2 Frankenheimer, John, The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
3 The Cramps, "Creature from the Black Leather Lagoon"
4 Camus, Albert, The Plague (1947)
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