51. CRYSTALIZED 

"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings."
             -- It's A Wonderful Life

"Hell's bells ringing, my sweet music......"
             -- Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat

     Despite the connotation of the word "crystal" as "clarity", I've hazy memories of the two moons following our first encounter with Ivan. We met most nights at his home, sculpting Mt. Neverests of Sacrament, entering into the silent agreement of dope fiend partnerships, AWAKE (not exactly Jehovah's method of witnessing). Nobody in their right mind wants to come down from shooting cocaine; everyone unanimously decides to never stop. The tests with suicidal lab rats are true; the pleasures and pains reaped are enormous......Thank God! it wasn't crack! Whatever you do, DON'T FALL ASLEEP!
     I recall going outside to make snow angels; my arms morphing into flutter-speed wings, conjuring memories of childhood winters playing on the banks of snowdrifts. The imprint of my body in the comfort of snow (crystallized water) signaled the release of my Spirit, flowing downwards into the realm of the Dead, where I Abode in Peace. My wings would fly me back when the time came, if I so desired......

     Please don't let the following details upset you (Mom). We lightly cook the crystal potentate in the spoon, suck up the elixir in the hypodermic needle, and inject the clarity slowly into our veins (in the crook of the elbow). We regard the interplay with awe, as the scarlet medium fills the syringe, and swirls in the substrate....ahhh...the fix (a glass syringe is a pretty classy rig). Obsessed with bloodletting (and the necessity of rotating veins) we'd jab into our legs, feet, hands, or.....neck. Sometimes we'd miss the vein (on retreat with constant use) and receive a disappointing "wasted" high in the flesh (and a painful bruise to boot).

                                                                                           Oldfield, Mike, Tubular Bells
     The absolute best part is the immediate sensation upon injection. A surreal warmth floods the blood, and the brain, tweaking in rapturous response, is overwhelmed by the sound of bells ringing. The High soars in elevation until it.....roars! to an equilibrium in Space....where it is free to set sail, to float on cerebral sensations of pure, unadulterated pleasure. Ditch the Body! Free of all earthly constraints, oblivious to thoughts, tuned to the peaks of mountain ranges; to whizzing, ice-bejeweled comets in jet-black atmospherics; free-falling, "Spellbound"1, in Zero Gravity. Sublime psychonautical research!

     Regrettably, the ride fizzles as the body re-commences sending signals to the brain, that it is, rather, still engaged. This precipitates a sheer panic attack from looking down upon the Heights of the Ages, with a lingering suspicion one's flesh is noticeably quivering, accompanied by the abysmal certainty: One Is Terribly Too High. The All-Hell's-About-To-Break-Loose shakes steal in, Fear and Loathing commiserate, and tumbling transpires in Overdrive! "She's breaking up, Captain!"2

     Friends now lend a comforting touch, as One braces in order to compensate the rapid descent, relieved from turning inside out to face the Horror.....unable to move or to express feeling.....decapitated by paralyzing melancholia ("crashing"), we realize the Outward Appearance (and Inner Manifestation) of the Legendary Sphinx.....a Riddle of Flesh...in Living Stone.
     It became necessary to transmit, by eyelid-flicking winks, ascertainment to one another that we were alright.....crucial to send out this message, and for the code to be received...for trancing swoons and black-outs often ensued upon reception of the injection. At these initial signs of an Overdose, the Death Family's Holy Priests and Priestesses were called upon, to enact the Sacred Task and Ancient Rites of Gospel Revival / Soul Retrieval: ............................................................................................................................................................................(flatlining is not an option).

1 Siouxsie and the Banshees, "Spellbound"
2 Scotty, Star Trek