21. COUNT WELLDONE'S ELIXIR OF LIFE

     "La cadavre exquis boira le vin nouveau."
     "The exquisite corpse will drink the new wine."
                 -- Surrealist parlor game

     "Blut ist ein ganz besondrer Saft."
     "Blood is a Juice of the rarest quality."
                 -- Goethe, Faust

     Ever been to Seventh Heaven? .......Once upon a time, I bussed tables at The Inn of the Seventh Ray, deemed "the most romantic restaurant in Los Angeles". Said ray in question is the violet flame emitting from His Holiness, the Count St. Germain (the Ancient of Days, the Eternal Youth, the Regent Lord of the World), a Mystical Knight / Ascended Master of the Highest Vibration, believed to spiritually guide the evolutionary ascent of humanity. The owner of the Inn is a follower of the Universal Church, a New Age "I AM THAT I AM" movement, founded by Mark and Elizabeth Clare Prophet (Mrs. Prophet penned missives on subjects  ranging from Spirituality to Soulmates, "her faithful maintain an underground compound / bunker, filled with automatic weapons in Wyoming, leading the fight against tobacco, sugar, alcohol, and dissonant music"1). It's not the first time St. Germain's been co-opted by Spiritualists, claiming the sage alchemist / occultist their own. No matter, there's always enough of an Immortal to go around!

     I entertain a warm fondness for Rosicrucian spies and incognito Kings! (well-defined by two other übermensch of the times, Casanova and Cagliostro). The conspiratorially-veiled approach to Life, embodied by the Omnipresent Man / God, St. Germain, never ceases to delight! His incarnations / identities are said to include Sir Francis Bacon (renowned scientist, Masonic Founder of the Esoteric Empire of America, author of The New Atlantis), and Francis Rákoczi II, Prince of Transylvania. Conventional history places the Count alive from 1712 until 1784, others insist he's been blessed with recurring birthdays, in multiple succession throughout history, a feat equal to the proverbial phoenix rising from the ash. His alter ego "Guardianship Sanat Kumara of the Divine Fire" lives in the secret city of Shamballa (located in the astral realms), and is 4,000 years young (if Immortals care to count). Turning lead into gold, is, for him, child's play.

     According to the Esoteric historian Manley P. Hall, the Count St. Germain is the Highest Adept of the Secret Order of the Rose Cross. The Christian mystic Max Heindel claims Rosicrucian Initiates so advanced in the Science of Life that "Death has forgotten them". Voltaire, in his day (somewhat facetiously) coined St. Germain "der Wundermann" : "the man who knows everything and never dies".  
     Among the Count's astounding repertoire is " the ability to conjure precious gems out of the air, fluency in every language under the Sun, and intuitive gifts of clairvoyance and telepathy. He is rumored to masterfully play the piano and harpsichord, achieving accolades as a musical composer with a beautiful singing voice, and has enjoyed intimate relationships with every royal court of the past thousand years, from Egypt to the Hapsburgs, as advisors to kings and companions to queens. Possessing a marked compulsion to vanish out of the blue, he bears over a dozen identified aliases to his good name."2 That's Secret Agent / Count Welldone, to you! 
     The writer Chelsea Quinn Yarbro has produced 23 inspired pulp-fiction novels to date of Count St. Germain's time-traveling adventures (beginning with 1978's Hotel Transylvania). She describes him as "rich, irresistible, elegant, and humanistic, with eccentricities of dressing in black and white, and never being seen eating or drinking in public". Why the subterfuge? He's a Vampire, naturally. 
     As for the Count's famed Elixir of Life, which he concocts for rejuvenation purposes, and generously (and discreetly) toasts with lovely ladies throughout the Space / Time continuum, it resembles......blood. A crimson brew (laxative) of elderberry flowers, fennel, and senna pods soaked in wine, it's purportedly a wonder drug for the (plugged-up) wanderlust-bitten. A wee draught of alchemical gold to jumpstart cellular restoration! Doug Skinner of the online Fortean Times recommends topping it with brandy. Wassail! 

1, 2, Fortean Times